I am soooo having a day. My freezer, having emotional issues related to the icemaker, filled itself up with three inches of ice and defrosted all my food. MMhhmm. Awesome. Thus, I am cooking all the things, right now, before they go bad. Fabulous. Pick me, pick me. On top of that, the Hilton keeps calling me (I can’t make this stuff up, people) and baseball season has begun. I’m sure there are parents who are thrilled and excited for this sport or that one. Miss Shannon is not one of them. I hate sports with the passion of a thousand fiery suns. My kid doesn’t know that, however. I would pretty much rather have a fork in my own eye than sit through another sporting event.
Not one of my little humans wants to cook, they’d rather not read and no, they do not want to use the sewing machine, please and thank you. Mostly, they want to wack balls with sticks or jump off of things there is no earthly reason to flee. This is not a trait they get from their mother. I want to play Suzy Homemaker and ride motorcycles and own a tanning bed. Goals, people. At the end of the day, none of my brats are eating tide pods, snorting condoms or advocating for the decimation of the constitution. Just for the record, people who think it’s a good idea to put these things in their body should not be dictating legalities to anyone. I’m not entirely sure they should be allowed access to sharp objects like forks.
The safety and well being of kids is absolutely my life’s work. I give a damn if they live or die, even if I think they are acting like douche nozzles. I just don’t think that banning weapons will actually solve the problem and make them safe. Someone just suggested that maybe medical professionals ought to have a little box they can check that would raise a red flag. Me and my pretty pink and purple gun can take down an elephant, we can certainly take down a human being, but we are not very likely to do so unless you give us a really good reason to. I bought that gun on account of a fellow who didn’t quite want to go away, who knew the whereabouts of my children and I for a very long time. Make no mistake, I can and will defend myself and my children.
Just as an FYI… there is no such thing as an assault rifle, unless we are considering all rifles to be assault rifles. AR-15 stands for ArmaLite rifle, which is a brand name, it does NOT mean assault rifle or automatic rifle. If you want a reason for this sudden epidemic of school shootings, please point yourself in the direction of defunding mental health care and deinstitutionalization. Take a peek at dead beat dads and ask yourself if GMOs in our food supply sounds like a good idea. Legal gun owners are not the problem. There are so many factors that are contributing, please stop giving away our rights because you are scared. I understand your fear and share it…
In the meantime, please give these dumb ass kids the Darwin Awards they deserve (On account of taking themselves out of the gene pool.) May your Tide Pods be tasty and your snorted condoms scented. Just fyi – 80% of retardation is caused by a lack of stimulation and adequate protein in the first three years of life. Play with your kids and buy the whole milk, maybe we won’t have to put Mr. Yuck on everything under the sun.