It is what it is.

Rule number one in Shannon’s Handbook for Success is to be a decent human being. Goodness knows I’m not always successful. After careful consideration, I committed myself to certain causes and try to do the right thing all the time. This is wearing at times, for your edification.

Let me state, for the record, that I am straight. I only like to have sex with men, which is a general description of heterosexuality. I support gay rights because I’m not an asshole. Largely because I am secure in my own sexuality, it doesn’t faze me in the slightest to post about gay rights, march in parades or wear rainbows. My favorite cousin is a lesbian…. This was as true when we were six as it is today. To my discredit, I use her and her wife as a sorting tool for men I date. If you cannot embrace these two wonderful women, you need not be a part of my life. When you persecute LGBT people, this is what you are actually supporting:
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This is my cousin Debbie and her gorgeous wife, Laqueta. Please let me know how they are harming you. I don’t know why her nose is blue.

deb snd quet

I support battered women because I was one. The primary monster in my bed was one scary SOB…. It’s been almost twenty years and I still have the occasional nightmare. Lately, my girlfriend (who has been a battered woman for a good long time) has been needing some support. I am providing that support where and when I can for several reasons. First, there was never anyone to fall back on when I was being battered. There are few things more alarming the absolute knowledge that you can’t go home. Next, back in the day, I promised myself that I would make myself available if I could help another woman. I couldn’t save myself or my children back then. But I can help the woman in front of me, right now, today…. I believe it honors the lives of the children I lost to my batterer’s fists.

One thing that always shocks the hell out of me is the family’s unwillingness to assist. Where there’s life, there’s hope. I know she keeps going back…. It takes the average woman SEVEN attempts to successfully leave their abuser. Again, average. That means it took some a whole lot more. If you aren’t there to pick up the fucking pieces, who will be???? Balls to the wall, people. Think back to when she was two…. What would you have done for her then?

dv

I have free fallen many, many times. Typically, this occurs with three to five kids in tow and no parachute. I land on my feet because I have to. If I fall, there is no one to save me. This fact has made me strong and a little bitter. Life is hard. Stand up. Step up for your loved ones…instead of demanding they dance to your tune and follow your path. Be kind, always. It usually costs very little. Enjoy this cute puppy wuppy picture….

cute puppies

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How on Earth Did I Get So Jaded….Life’s mysteries seem so faded

My sister and I went shopping the other day for Halloween. Got a little of this and a little of that, a shopping victory for all. She was plugging the very nice gentleman I’ve been texting with because she is very happily married and thinks everyone should be. This is a picture of us when we were little.

siblings

One major difference between me and my sister is our feelings about romance. She’s a go get ‘em kind of girl, thinks that everyone has a soul mate and that happily ever after is your destination if you will just be open to it. She tried to claim that it’s because of her hubby, who is truly fabulous, but it isn’t. She has always had stars in her eyes and a basic ability (and willingness) to suspend disbelief, very necessary in all fictional endeavors. This is a picture of Mary and AJ.

mary and aj

Me…. I don’t totally believe in romantic love. I like chick flicks as much as the next girl, I’ve enjoyed every proposal I’ve ever received and I absolutely adore it when a man holds the door for me. I just don’t believe in destiny. I think there are any number of people on this very large Earth that I could be compatible with. This is the Earth.

earth

Being in a romantic relationship requires compromise. That can be wonderful…. You have experiences you might not otherwise, learn things about yourself, etc. For example, I damn near married a man who was happily decimating my life. At his insistence, I learned to shoot. I really enjoy it. Had I not been willing to give in to his desire to share a part of his life I had little to no interest in, I would never have discovered a hobby I truly enjoy. On the flip side, I spent a lot of hours trapped places I didn’t want to be with people whose company I didn’t enjoy. At the end of the day. The good has to outweigh the bad.
I truly love to see people happily in love. I always hope that they are just as happy in forty years. You have to be self-sacrificing to make that happen. I kind of don’t want to do that. I like myself when I’m single. I lose something inside of a relationship…. I call it me. But the end of the day, I find it easier to walk away than to fight for equality in a relationship.

That same sister likes to tell me that I’m a good catch and sooner or later, someone is going to catch me. I tell her to stop threatening me. I’m a butterfly… and butterflies are free to fly…. Fly away, high away…. (I believe this so strongly that I tattooed it on myself)

butterfly tttoo

So, gentleman callers, word to the wise. Trying to get my sister (who I love, who wants me to hitch myself eternally to the nearest penis because she truly believes it’ll make me happy) to champion your cause is counterproductive. It makes me run like a hellhound is on my heels. This is a hellhound.

hellhound

Credits:
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Soul Asylum – Runaway Train
Elton John – Someone Saved My Life Tonight

Why do I blog??? Why don’t you?

Recently, someone asked me why I am writing this blog. Apparently, my desire to share my sparkling wit and insane exchanges with the opposite sex are inadequate reasons. So, I decided to tell y’all why would do this.
Writing is cathartic. I have a voice that I commonly choose to silence. Just because no one is listening doesn’t mean I should always keep it to myself. Like the song says, “If I get it all down on paper, it’s no longer inside of me, Threatening the life it belongs to.”
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I think most artists struggle internally. I am no exception. We turn to art because there is something inside of us that needs to be released. You don’t need to excel at your medium, you only need to love it. I have written whole novels that will never see the light of day, reams of poetry, etc… I will never show them to anyone. This is just a little blog post. I see it. I write it for myself, though I hope the occaisional reader is entertained.

And This is Why I Don’t Date….

It seems like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.

In the spirit of change, I am deliberately flirting with men who don’t really do it for me. This is largely due to my animal magnetism…. I only attract animals. If you are likely to hit me, call me mean names and generally treat me like shit, ooohh…..come sit next to me, big boy. I like my men like my coffee…. Light, strong and not sweet at all. What can I say? Knowing is half the battle.

Being an enlightened woman, I thought I’d pick men I would not normally go for. In theory, this is a good plan because I am not a good picker. I find alcoholics, men who would as soon punch me as look at me and guys who think monogamy is conceptual. Therefore, if I do not feel a burning urge to jump in the sack with a guy, it’s a good reason to go out with him.

But you take yourself with you. Whatever it is that is broken in me calls out to what is broken in men. For illustration, I give you Seven Hand Stan…. A gentleman who seemed decent. He paid, and you know Miss Shannon likes that. On date number three, he took me to a popular pool hall. As in, I am likely to see folks I know. Once inside the pool hall, the guy turned into an octopus. I was dancing around the table, trying to keep his hand out of my tush. In the parking lot, he was trying to have foreplay. Seriously?? No, just no.

And then we have the guy who keeps talking about potty training and masturbation. That’s just weird. Not in relationship to one another, but seriously? I am exhausted. I have absolutely zero desire to deal with this. Just…ewww. Seriously, eww.

Then we have Mr. I Will Give You Instructions Because I Know How You Should Conduct Your Life. I have had the pleasure of meeting a number of these fellows over the years. This guy is so sure that he knows just what you ought to be doing, as well as when and how. Bonus points when he lives with his mother, which he almost always does.

I find these guy in innocuous places…. Nope, never in a bar. It’s not like I’m saying ooh, pick me. If you’ve seen the winners I’ve kept around for more than ten minutes, you have to ask yourself what makes me throw ‘em back. It is not pretty, people. Rule 36B in Shannon’s Handbook for Success, it clearly states that your significant other should think you are the most fabulous creature they have ever come across. Warts and all. I think I’ll hold out for that hero, after all. Or at least a man I possession of a spine of his very own.

Janie’s Got A Gun

rifle

We become different people as we age. Once upon a time, I was fairly opposed to fire arms, abortion, divorce and decaffeinated coffee. Then, you know, I experienced a little life and realized I could fill countless libraries with topics there are no right answers to. Here goes, poi by point, easy stuff first:

Decaffeinated coffee is still stupid. It doesn’t taste right, it doesn’t wake you up and is pretty much pointless. It’s right up there with nonalcoholic beer.

Divorce is a good thing for many, many people. This might not be true if humanity didn’t persist in tying the knot when we are too young to really know ourselves, let alone our lifelong intentions. Long story short, Life is too short to be miserable. Get out of bad relationships whenever possible.

Abortion is not exactly the plan for anyone. “A woman does not want an abortion like she wants an ice cream cone, a new dress, or a Porsche; she wants an abortion like an animal caught in a trap wants to gnaw off its own leg to escape.” (Frederica Mathewes-Green) I truly believe that only the owner of the vagina gets to decide. Guys in suits should never, ever get a vote.

Firearms. Guns. Yup, Miss Shannon bought herself a very pretty gun. (Her whole world’s come undone) I will use it for target practice and just maybe to grocery shop. I’ll get back to you.
So… I did not like guns until I was steamrolled into firing one. It’s exhilarating. Give it a shot sometime. Pun intended. I’m not going to go on a shooting spree and I’m not hunting exes, though I think that would be entertaining. I’m responsible enough to keep it locked safely away from little hands. I have the added bonus that I know I can defend myself.