So I signed up for a dating site. I’m not desperately seeking a significant other…. But I definitely enjoy the dating process and it’s an easy way to get to know new people. I live in a little fishbowl town and I don’t date townies. These people all know each other.
So the nice thing is that I get told I look like Ally Sheedy because of this picture, taken by my ex-husband. He’s a good photographer and he makes pretty babies. Thanks, dude! I do not look like Ally Sheedy at any other point in my life, but there are worse celebrities to be compared to.
There are less fabulous aspects, however. Like the guy who literally demands personal, identifying information in the first 4 seconds I’m talking to him. Ummm…. Hey, why don’t I just tell you exactly the easiest way to break into my house and kill me while I sleep? I’m a single mom, moron. I live alone with a bunch of little kids. Let’s talk about Karen* (names have been changed to protect the unfortunate.) Karen is trusting. Karen spent three days locked in some wackadoo’s basement being assaulted. This is a person I know. That’s scary shit.
Fact is, if I want to date you, you are bigger than me. Ideally significantly bigger. This serves multiple purposes primarily that it makes me feel skinny, which is critical and it is way easier to rearrange furniture that way. It logically follows that you can probably overpower me. This has occurred on multiple occasions in my lifetime. Therefore, I need to be careful where and how I meet you. In fact, I find that if a man and I are mutually attracted to one another, there is at least a 70% chance that he is going to want to beat me up and steal my paycheck or lay on my couch for the rest of his life. It’s a nice couch.
When I am saying things like, locally…. Public place… coffee not drinks…. It’s because I still have three living brain cells and you have not yet convinced me that you aren’t a serial killer. Because, yeah, I’m lucky like that. Other helpful hints… don’t ask me to buy you stuff. Really? And I don’t actually owe you an explanation.
Also…for the wary…. I don’t share info about the dating game unless it’s especially egregious. Like Seven Hand Stan. Or the nutcake who wants me to shop for him. Please know….I absolutely want to be taken care of, but I don’t want your money. I want you to want to make my life better. Maybe by producing dinner (this can be ordering pizza without my help, I’m not picky) or hey, fix a broken thing for me. I have plenty.