I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what makes a person a likely victim… In my last post we met Darcy. I know her family and they’re the sort that makes me ask myself who I’d be if I came from people who were decent and loving, like that? I admit it… I’m a little bit jealous. Darcy is the kind of woman I wish I were… as much as I preach self-love and tolerance, I can’t say I’m always joyed with myself. Then I look at what really happens and I know… God damn… It’s all of us.
Some of us are totally blindsided by a batterer… Others come from a systemic pattern of abuse… remember the elephant in the room that just looked like part of the furniture? That is a systemic pattern of abuse… it’s so much a part of your daily life that you cannot see it for what it is. I kind of want to talk about what comes next… Because there is a next.
If there’s life there’s hope. I wonder who I would have been if I hadn’t lived the way I lived… but I’m not really sorry. I am the person I am because I experienced what I did. You can’t dwell on the bad… you must move on. You must develop some level of self love. What happened to you matters… but it’s not what defines you. There is something you like about yourself… build on that.
Count your blessings… surviving is always number one. That is a death defying feat… own it. Then, dammit… drive your crazy train. Stop being a passenger in your own life.
This week, I started working on glass cutting. Because I am the boss of me, and I felt like it. I’m also doing some additional work with pallets, because who doesn’t love pallet art? Tonight, I carved pumpkins with my kids. We’re roasting the seeds tomorrow. Because life goes on. The fact that I was once a victim does not get to define the rest of my life.
I don’t want it to define your life, either. Just lately… there’s been someone in my world who makes me feel like something that’s being scraped from the bottom of a shoe. I mired on down in that for a week or so… then I remembered… It took me better than three decades to like myself. I don’t have that kind of time for anyone else. Neither do you. In the cosmic scheme of things, only we decide the quality of our lives. I choose to be happy, to do the things that give me joy and let go of the things that cause me pain. These are conscious choices… realize that and know that for all the days to come, no one decides who you are but you.
Blessed be, darlings… I wish you great joy and happiness. I feel like I’m blowing fairy dust, Dorothy, but the power is always your own. It’s been within you all the while. So, click your ruby slippers, grab your faith, trust & pixie dust and live.