I went to a second hand store today and someone should give me a cookie for not stabbing anyone in the eye. There was a loud and proud beater there, and Miss Shannon did not engage. This little man was just slovenly… generally unkempt and his very being gave me a little squick. Then he opened his mouth. He actually began berating his female companion by stating that if she were from the country, she’d know she ought to be grateful because he only breaks stuff. A country woman knows she needs to follow instructions because if she don’t, there’ll be consequences. ‘Cause, he voted for Trump, and he whoops his kids and dammit, when he was in the military you did what you were told or there were consequences. Nope, not a cookie. I need a cookie cake, people. This guy is the poster child for why the left hates the right.
I remain a moderate, which basically means I have friends on both sides of the great divide. For my liberal friends… you know I agree with you on almost all social issues. For the most part, folks should just mind their own damn business and let people be who they are. But guess what?? We, as a nation are going broke. Like, welfare Christmas broke. I know you don’t like it, but we can’t actually just print more money and call it a day. We really do have to cut out some programs. It sucks, but it’s like the budget at your house. You can’t have all the things. You have to choose the stuff that matters most… rent, electricity, food… then you use what’s left for the other things. I am so wound up about some of these cuts that I literally cried on a Republican biker. For me, hunger is always my deal breaker… I will personally march on Washington if they actually cut school lunch. What I’m not going to do is blow up anything at all, because (REALITY BASED THOUGHT ALERT!!) Miss Shannon is concerned about humanity, like the average liberal, and that precludes bombings.
Lately, I have been seeing a lot of liberal rage that concerns me deeply. Y’all embarrassed me when you were wearing stuffed vaginas on your heads, but this is getting out of hand. It’s like a dick pic… no one wants to see it. No one. Ever. That said, what in the sweet fuck are you thinking, talking about a revolution??? Beloveds, you have spent a lifetime fighting against the right to bear arms. Most of you have never discharged a firearm. And you want to have a war with the right? Are you aware that these folks are commonly card carrying members of gun clubs and own multiple weapons they know how to use. Maybe rethink the viability of this plan, hmm? It can’t end well, surely you can see that?
Onto military action… boys and girls, the United States is at real and serious risk from the terrorist group, ISIS. It continues to irk me that this awful group of misogynistic bastards have usurped my favorite goddess’s name. Anyway, why are you possibly bitching and moaning if a bunch of terrorists who want to kill us all and/or force women worldwide to wear a burqa, get bombed? Are you stupid? ISIS is not the same as Islam… I am 100% opposed to the persecution of anyone based on their religion. That is not what is happening. These are folks who want us dead, as painfully and publicly as possible. They are chopping off the heads of journalists and pilots. This is the USA. We do not negotiate with terrorists. I don’t know about you, but I would prefer that our nation gets to write the history books because we won. Thus, ISIS will remain a terrorist group, as opposed to Jihad warriors or fighters for Allah.
I implore you to pick your battles with a little common sense. Yes: war bad, feeding hungry people good. But it isn’t ever that simple, that black and white. Take Syria… now you can be pissy that we bombed them because you hate Trump and nothing he does will ever satisfy you or you can recognize that as a nation we really must take a stand against what Assad is doing. Yes, Spicer is a total douche-nozzle who should never ever have made the comments he made about Hitler. That doesn’t negate the fact that Assad is shooting nerve gas into civilian populations filled with women and kids.
Moving on to my Conservative beloveds…knock off your silly bullshit. You don’t actually want the little poor kids to go without food, nor do you want the elderly eating cat food. Instead of reveling in being in power, for the first time in a long time, why not try to unite our country? Unknot your panties long enough to admit you have no business dictating toilets or putting your hands inside of vaginas you haven’t been invited into. Worry about yourself. The thing that kills Miss Shannon about the toilet thing is that it never occurred to you to worry about her safety before you thought someone different from you might tinkle next to your chick. Of the very large number of LGBTQ folks I know… I am in far, far more danger from a heterosexual man. Screw statistics… not one drag queen has ever touched me in a way I did not like. Miss Shannon wishes she could say the same for the straight guys she’s known. So, maybe don’t worry so much because a politician tells you ya ought to. Maybe trust me to tell you if I think I’m not safe… I’ve had a lifetime of practice to know when I’m not and I’m right 99% of the time. Try to trust women to know what they need. If I ask you to help me, please do. If I feel safe, please respect that.