Rabid squirrels attacked Miss Shannon. Ok, chased Miss Shannon. Oh, all right, a single, solitary squirrel chased me around the patio, into the driveway at Dozer’s house and I narrowly escaped death. Probably the squirrel wouldn’t have killed me, but a heart attack was definitely imminent. I happened to be on the phone with my sister, who found it hilarious. I managed to get past the little bugger and back into the house, then it sat outside the door and waited for me to come out. I’m afraid I don’t consider this to be normal squirrel behavior, and I would like Dozer to make every effort to eradicate what is clearly a threat to body and soul. Dozer would like to train it to eat out of his hand.
Squirrels are rats with a fuzzy tail and a good shake from society. Because they’re “cute.” And they really are, in statue form, in Beatrix Potter books and way the fuck over there. They are not at all cute when they chase my happy ass through the yard and back into the house. Not at all cute while they sit patiently on the porch, waiting for me to exit the building. I had to escape the house through the back door. I am not kidding. My well-founded terror of rodents (which includes rats, mice, gerbils, hamsters, chipmunks, and guinea pigs with white fur and red eyes) was developed in a very unpleasant tale that happens to be one of those things I will never fully disclose to another human being. So there I was, living the dream, and suddenly I found myself being chased by a rabid beast that can only want to cause my demise.
I’m so very grateful that squirrel was my biggest problem all day. Lately, my other shoes have been dropping… they always do. They don’t go missing, like Red October… because Miss Shannon puts her shoes away. I enjoyed a bike run today with Blue Friday… a couple of hundred bikers came together to pay homage to our fallen boys in blue. It’s been a George Straight kind of month, for me. Largely because I’m always expecting the worst at the back of my mind… Experience has taught me that you always prepare for the worst, because it’s usually what you’re going to get. Right now, today, I am blessed with five beautiful children, a man who sincerely loves me and a whole lot of good friends… even if you’re laughing because I ran from the little squirrel.