Duck OFF!!!!

I’m working on an outdoor play area for the days we can’t go to the park for whatever reason.  This typically includes sleeping babies, as it’s against the law to wake a sleeping baby.  I have a tiny stretch of yard to work with… what we’re looking for is some engaging activities, not necessarily active play.  My current list of outdoor centers includes a gravel pit -80% constructed, a pulley system for the sheer hell of it, a music wall -tomorrow, a sand table -100% complete and a water wall.  We want to talk about the water wall right now.

So, I bought a big pipe at Home Depot.  It’s a drain pipe, $9.98 and some especially large zip ties.  My master plan is to cut it up, hot glue it to a pallet, add extra security with some zip ties and pour some water through it.  I also got a couple of little pipes, some elbows, a funnel.  I thought I’d poke holes in some water bottles, maybe use a watering can.  I get it all home and think… shit, what do I use to cut this??  I’ve never cut a plastic pipe, what kind of blade should I get??  I keep telling you, I’m as lazy as the next guy, so I just asked Dozer… And now we’re mad at him.  This is a collective, people.


I told him it’s for a water wall, an excellent sensory activity that encompasses many of the eight areas of early childhood education.  He asks me if the pipe is attached to a water source already.  (Excuse me, I’m counting to 156.)  I asked if he thought I was stupid.  He said, of course not, you’re the smartest person I know… now is it??  (This reminds me of that joke… pretty girls like to be told they’re smart, smart girls like to be told they’re pretty.  So, what am I??  Smart… and pretty!!)  Naturally, I said… of course, it’s attached to the sewer line.  At which point he said, No no, baby, you need a plumber.   I have no idea what I have done in the couple of years we’ve known each other that would compel this man to think I would actually just cut a hole in a sewer line.


Miss Shannon is a lot of things.  Stupid isn’t one of them.  This does bring me back to the time that my ex-husband cut a hole in the sewer line inside our basement.   I actually called my dad, who made me repeat it twice and his answer was that I married a fucking genius.  For the record, this is the same guy who removed all the pluggy things from all the drains in my entire house, has “extra parts” every time he fixes a car and once cooked a ham with the paper wrapping still on.    So, I told Dozer to duck off, with the help of autocorrect that apparently doesn’t know me very well.

I will have fabulous pictures later this week of my totally kick ass water wall which will provide hours of entertainment for my wee beasties, drive my sister absolutely nuts and give me at least 8 points on the Quality Stars scale… It’s going to be a win, all the way around.  I also have every faith that one of my daughters’ boyfriends will cut up the pipe for me.  Not because I can’t, because I sincerely believe you should allow people to bless you just as much as you bless others.

4 thoughts on “Duck OFF!!!!”

  1. Please allow me to stoke the fire. First allow me to ask your readers, would you know what a water wall is without a definition? Cause I don’t. It sounds to me like something to keep kids cool in the summer, hence, I was wondering if you were cutting into a water pipe. (Totally lost me when you mention a sewer pipe) you were scaring me. Everyone has there strengths and weaknesses. I know doubt think you’re smart pretty imaginative creative caring loving and great cook. But you yourself said you shouldn’t use a saw. So yes I had concerns. So if you feel you need to be mad at me for looking out for your best interest, you’re going to be mad a lot. Luv you

    1. Listen, Mister, I spent twenty minutes telling you about this very center on Sunday. Therefore, you should totally know just exactly what a water wall is. Unless, you know, you are tuning me out. Why in the world would I ever, ever cut into any active water line? I have you and my brother for things like that… While YouTube teaches everything, I absolutely believe in utilizing the resources available to me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *