#METOO

#METOO…. There are people shaking their heads because women are doing this.  I’m proud of you.  Those of us who have been victimized in every way are here to tell you… you didn’t do anything wrong.  This is not your fault.  You didn’t ask for it: I don’t care how hot you looked, how much you drank or that you dared be walking down a street at night.  Your body belongs to you and nobody has the right to force you into being touched in a way you do not like.  That was what the doctor said to me, “At what age were you when someone touched you in a way you did not like?”  I couldn’t answer then, but I’d venture to guess it was three or four.  I was a “hot to trot” toddler.  See how stupid that sounds?

In my experience, once you’ve been victimized, you are more likely to experience abusive behaviors again.  Statistics agree with me… and maybe you have gotten it into your head that you are doing something that compels others to harm you.  Like maybe you caused it, you’re asking for it.  Nu-uh.  What’s happening is that you have a certain hurt about you and abusers look for that.  They deliberately seek it out because you become an easier target… I swear, I think they smell it, like the rabid beasts they are.  We compartmentalize this because that, my friends, is how you survive.  Do whatever you must, beloveds… survive.  Thrive.  That night does not define you.

 

One night, Dozer and I were having too many drinks and singing songs and I said something or other that compelled him to ask me if I have been raped.  My response was… well, yeah.  Not one woman that I know intimately hasn’t been, this is a reality to me.  I knew he was one of the good ones because it hurt and shocked him.  I’m proud of him, personally, because he knows it doesn’t make me less.  Miss Shannon has very little shame but along the way, there have been fellows who tried to make me find some.  Dozer has never done that and I am profoundly grateful.  Sooner or later, you will find someone who can just accept you as you are.  Your rough edges are the thing that make you sparkle.  Shine on, baby.

I feel a compulsion to say that good girls go to heaven and bad girls go everywhere… I want you to be a bad bitch… the kind that takes no prisoners when it comes to standing up for herself.  You didn’t do anything wrong.  I found my power through my fairly shitty experiences… Nothing and no one can take away who and what I am.  Forgive yourself and find your shine.  On your journey, you take all of Miss Shannon’s love.

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