Hope vs Experience

The grandma of one of my daycare kids and I were talking today… We’re in same age group, because people my age have grandkids, just like I do.   (TF…I’m forty.)  It IS a seriously cool gig, in case I haven’t been clear. I love those babies to bits and pieces, would literally throw myself in front of a train for either one, right after I feed them a lot of cookies and hand them back to their mothers.  Bliss.  Remember, we are not aging on this side of the room.  Anyway, we were talking about boys, of the man variety.   Our girls and their guys, as well as ourselves and our guys.  I remember when I was as young as my girl children, I did a whole lot of things looking for happily ever after that I regret.  I try to hold that in my heart while I watch the train wreck.   Fact is, I’d do it all over again because I have the best five little humans anyone could ever ask for.

Anyway… other grammy told me she needs a rest.  I feel her.  Sometimes, that picket fence is just not attainable. Stockade fences also rock out loud.   Hell, be a rebel and forgo fences altogether. Fact: you have to be able to sleep alone.  Now, I love Dozer, he’s one of the better things that have happened to me in my life.   He’s fond of telling me that I’m not a princess (because I am the Queen, of course, but I don’t think that’s what he means.) and this isn’t a fairy tale… and he’s right. Doze is happy to roll up on a Harley to let me ride behind him like the queen of the May.  He’s not a white knight.  Except when he is.  Me loving Dozer doesn’t change the fact that picket fences aren’t really my style.   Once upon a time, maybe… but I need to be able to sing along, do the project and make the executive decisions.  Other grammy needs the paperwork.  She is the second lady friend of mine in a month who’s ready to roll over a signature and I can’t decide if I’m broken or if they are.

Once upon a time, I thought it was so very important to be roped and tied… then sweet freedom whispered in my ear.   For myself, marriage is not an attainable goal because I lack the ability to acquiesce.  This works for the guy in my life because he just really wishes I’d still wash his dishes. Autonomy and commitment kind of cancel each other out…   which is very a sad state of affairs.  So…Dozer neither needs or wants my papers…I hope my lady friends get the papers they desire, even though I don’t understand the need, anymore.   I remember when I was a bit less jaded and I thought a happy ending included a trip to the alter…. Now I know that Happily Ever After is a town with Denial River running through it.   I think my saddle trained purple dragon is hanging out there.   Miss Shannon is going to keep driving her Chevy.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *